thy word is a lamp upon my feet

i have no idea if it's the stress causing the hormones to act up

or i'm jus going to snap soon.

i have no idea why i'm so emotional and tempremental.

i've no idea why i'm crying so uncontrollably now.

i've no idea why i'm feeeling so helpless, so useless, so ridiculous and so loney now.

i have no idea why my head is aching so much.

i have no idea why my parents demand so much from me now.

i have no idea why i always feel so responsible for all the things around me

i have no idea why i feel so bad and so sad seeing you all hurt.

you probably have no idea how painful it is for me to try to explain to you.

how painful it is for me to see you dissapointed in me.

how hard i'm trying to live to your expectations.

sometimes i just wish i can walk away.

sometimes i wish i can just ignore.

but that's not me.

i deal with it. i solve.

i cannot just sit and watch everything fall apart.

i cannot just let this rot.

i either operate on it or heal it.

this is me.

please try to understand my efforts.

i'm not prefect, but i'm trying to,

i cant change the past, but the future i can.

DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER, would you jus take away all this pain right now?

i need you lord,

please help me to understand.